All rights reserved. To order copies of Toronto Star articles, please go to: www. Report an error. Journalistic Standards. About The Star. More Life. Top Stories. About Contact Us Feedback. Toronto Star Newspapers Ltd. This both gets rid of awkward silence and makes sure the conversation stays interesting and relevant to both of you. This may sound weird until you try it. Then, when it works, it will feel like the most natural thing in the world.
People do this all the time. Nervosity is created when we become self-conscious — we focus too much on ourselves. You can read more about how to focus on the other person in our guide on how to avoid nervosity around others. You can almost always ask someone to expand on the subject or explain something in more detail. This is great to stop awkward silence. Here are two phrases that are almost universal. Lifeline-question 2: Did you hear that [Insert anything newsworthy]?
This one is perfect at a party or social event. Are you ever afraid your questions are boring or stupid? Are you censoring yourself to avoid saying stupid stuff? Your mind goes blank. When you let go of trying to sound smart and interesting, you can instead express who you really are.
And that makes YOU interesting as a person. Think about it. The conversation just keeps going. So, the next time you are about to censor yourself because you think that what you are going to say sounds stupid, try saying it anyway. The interview-trap happens when you ask too many questions without sharing enough about yourself. It can be tempting to ask question upon question to keep the conversation going, but this pressures the other person to do all the real talking.
And it starts getting weird for them to open up when you barely reveal anything about yourself. Give the other person a break by also contributing to the conversation and revealing equally much about yourself. In the last sentence, I revealed that I also know Lucy. Just break in with a statement, a story, or reveal something about yourself. Those who love to talk are shoved to the head of the group and given the microphone, whilst the more silent types are relegated to the background.
But many people are slowly waking up to the fact that people who prefer silence over talking are just as capable of changing the world. There is one thing you can do in a relationship that is almost guaranteed to upset the other person: not listening.
Not listening to the other person has been blamed for countless breakups, divorces, and family quarrels. On the other hand, those that do know how to stay silent and listen — often have longer-lasting relationships, more friends, and stronger connections. Everyone wants to be heard as it helps you feel appreciated and valued for who you are. So the next time you find yourself on a date where you seem to be doing most of the talking, take a step back and listen.
At lunch, you end up next to a co-worker or classmate. Is your conversation partner trying to get a word in? Do they seem disinterested? With time you can learn to listen and enjoy extended periods of silence. Albers-Bowling says that extroverts get a lot of kudos in American culture while introverts are often undervalued. But learning to listen is so important to our relationships. We tend to like people better when we feel they talk less than we do.
Not to mention that silence, in general, is good for your health. It reduces adrenaline and cortisol in the brain and has even been shown to reduce blood pressure. Register or Log In. The Magazine Shop. Login Register Stay Curious Subscribe. Newsletter Sign up for our email newsletter for the latest science news. Sign Up.
0コメント